The next saviour of The Everton Football Club Company Limited, if you will.
Yesterday, the manager of the first-team playing squad of The Tottenham Hotspur Football Club and the owner of the world's richest dog, Mr. Henry J. Redknapp, was relieved of his duties; a turn of events which, it seems, came as something of a surprise to him.
Almost immediately, the nation's turf accountants installed Mr. David Moyes, manager of the first-team playing squad of The Everton Football Club Company Limited, as the next incumbent in the role at White Hart Lane. A terse statement was made by the football club, to the effect that contrary to scurrilous internet rumour, no compensation for the transfer of the services of Mr. Moyes had been agreed between the two clubs, nor had The Tottenham Hotspur Football Club made any approach The Everton Football Club Company Limited apropos Mr. Moyes's potential availability.
Those conversant with behind the scenes affairs at Goodison Park could smell the familiar, fetid aura of the fear of Mr. William Kenwright CBE hanging all around the place. Mr. Moyes has less than 12 months remaining on his current contract, and no extension has yet been agreed; Mr. Moyes is holding out for reassurances that funds to strengthen the playing squad will be forthcoming, and that he shall not have to say goodbye to any of his better players in order to make such funds transpire, reassurances that he refers to as "a chink of light", a phrase that would have unfortunate connotations had it been uttered by certain footballists resident at The Libpewl Football Cult.
Sadly, it would appear that Mr. Kenwright is in no position to offer such assurances; and thus, rather than suffer the indignity of being outspent by the likes of Mr. Roberto Martinez, Mr. Moyes may be inexorably drawn to the bright lights and numerous splendid Turkish kebab shops prevalent in the Edmonton area.
So, whither the next manager of The Everton Football Club Company Limited's cadre of footballists?
If we assume
that Mr. David Moyes should find the allure of North London too
tempting to resist, my first choice would be Mr. Jesus Christ. His work
on feeding a crowd of 5,000 people with just five loaves of unleavened
bread and three fishes shows just what he could potentially achieve on a
limited budget. Plus, he should prove to be an ideal counterweight to
the pervasive influence of Satan across the park at The Libpewl Football
Cult, which may possibly even result in a much-coveted victory for The
Everton Football Club Company Limited in the so-called "derby" strand.
However, having seen Mr. Iain Duncan Smith on the television this morning, and heard his views on the sharp increase in working families living in poverty (it's down to drugs, apparently), I feel that Mr. Christ may be co-opted into a role as "government tsar" on matters of welfare reform.
So, as a suitable alternative, I suggest Mr. Lee Marvin. Anybody who has seen the feature film, "The Dirty Dozen", cannot have failed to admire his abilities on bringing together a bunch of wayward, dangerous brigands and turning them into a potent and lethal fighting force. Why, he could possibly have even solved the conundrum around Mr. Royston Drenthe.
An added bonus is that Mr. Marvin achieved such success with just a dozen men, which is about the size of the playing squad which The Everton Football Club Company Limited shall have at the end of August forthcoming.
So, for me, Mr. Marvin makes the ideal replacement should Mr. Moyes decide that his future lies elsewhere. There is a slight issue that Mr. Marvin is, in fact, deceased, but that should only serve as an added attraction to Mr. William Kenwright CBE, as no remuneration need be paid, and not compensation would be due to another club once Mr. Marvin's services were secured.
Plus, even in an advanced state of decomposition, he still would surely look healthier than another touted replacement, Mr. Avram Grant (and would also perform better in the role).
What do others think?
However, having seen Mr. Iain Duncan Smith on the television this morning, and heard his views on the sharp increase in working families living in poverty (it's down to drugs, apparently), I feel that Mr. Christ may be co-opted into a role as "government tsar" on matters of welfare reform.
So, as a suitable alternative, I suggest Mr. Lee Marvin. Anybody who has seen the feature film, "The Dirty Dozen", cannot have failed to admire his abilities on bringing together a bunch of wayward, dangerous brigands and turning them into a potent and lethal fighting force. Why, he could possibly have even solved the conundrum around Mr. Royston Drenthe.
An added bonus is that Mr. Marvin achieved such success with just a dozen men, which is about the size of the playing squad which The Everton Football Club Company Limited shall have at the end of August forthcoming.
So, for me, Mr. Marvin makes the ideal replacement should Mr. Moyes decide that his future lies elsewhere. There is a slight issue that Mr. Marvin is, in fact, deceased, but that should only serve as an added attraction to Mr. William Kenwright CBE, as no remuneration need be paid, and not compensation would be due to another club once Mr. Marvin's services were secured.
Plus, even in an advanced state of decomposition, he still would surely look healthier than another touted replacement, Mr. Avram Grant (and would also perform better in the role).
What do others think?
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