Carr crash television

 

The "Down's Roger Federer", entertaining the Invisible Man, recently.

It seems that the television comedian, Mr. Jimmy Carr, has found himself in a little difficulty, courtesy of The Times newspaper. The paper reported that Mr. Carr has been paying his earnings into a Jersey-based entity, which then paid him the money back in the form of loans, thus considerably reducing his liability to income tax. Once the "story" entered the public domain, the Prime Minister, First Lord of the Treasury and forgetful parent Mr. David Call-Me-Dave smelt a little populist opportunism and publicly poured opprobrium upon Mr. Carr's head.  

 

I have to say, I do feel a certain amount of sympathy for the omnipresent "funnyman". Whether or not you feel that he pays enough of his income to HM Treasury is a moot point; to be singled out for criticism over one's moral fibre by Mr. Call-Me-Dave makes him the victim of rank hypocrisy.

Oddly, when Mr. Call-Me-Dave was asked about similar schemes utilised by the likes of the recently-ennobled Mr. Gary Barlow (also reported by The Times), and whether the tax affairs of an individual should be a consideration in the bestowing of honours, Mr. Call-Me-Dave stated that he would "not comment on individuals in terms of what's happening in a newspaper report" (unless, of course, that individual was Mr. Jimmy Carr).

In my line of employment, as a freelance consultant specialising in matters of Information Technology, such schemes are commonplace among the denizens of the industry, although I do not employ them myself. I should not morally censure somebody for attempting to maximise their income and reduce their liability for taxation; but then again I am not employed by The Times, and I am not desperately attempting to prove to Lord Justice Leveson that my organization was capable of serious, "responsible" journalism.

Mr. Carr says that his involvement in this financial scheme was "a mistake", and states that he has withdrawn from it. Rather strange, given that Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs deem the arrangement to be legal. I cannot imagine that Mr. Barlow shall follow suit, but then again Mr. Barlow's might so do if his audience consisted of drunken, heckling boors rather than moist-gusseted menopausal mothers in the midst of a mid-life crisis who should use his shit for toothpaste, given the opportunity. I'm slightly disappointed that Mr. Carr did not take the opportunity to tell Mr. Call-Me-Dave to go and fuck himself, but I suppose that I can understand his reasoning.

However, in seeking to personalise such matters, Mr. Call-Me-Dave may he treading on rather precarious ground. Those in glass houses should not seek to cast stones, after all, for doing so shall inevitably result in a high-profile "witchhunt" by sections of the popular press eager to reinstate their battered reputations; with a large amount of people in his orbit also employing such apparent "chicanery", he could find himself being asked to comment on a frequent basis on the affairs of those nearest and dearest to him.

As for The  Times, who highlighted Mr.Carr's financial strategy for the purposes of stoking up public condemnation; I do hope that they find time and space to cover the manoeuvring of the multinational corporations whose avoidance of tax on their profits make the likes of Mr. Carr and Mr. Barlow seem like mere pissants by comparison; entities such as (ooh, let us pick one at random) News Corporation, who funnel their UK profits through subsidiary companies in the Channel Islands, the Cayman Islands, the Bahamas and the Virgin Islands, and pay just 7% tax on said profits as a result.

Do others wonder which members of Her Majesty's government would wish that this whole matter goes away quickly? 

 

 

 

A wandrin', wandrin', star...

The next saviour of The Everton Football Club Company Limited, if you will.

Yesterday, the manager of the first-team playing squad of The Tottenham Hotspur Football Club and the owner of the world's richest dog, Mr. Henry J. Redknapp, was relieved of his duties; a turn of events which, it seems, came as something of a surprise to him.

Almost immediately, the nation's turf accountants installed Mr. David Moyes, manager of the first-team playing squad of The Everton Football Club Company Limited, as the next incumbent in the role at White Hart Lane. A terse statement was made by the football club, to the effect that contrary to scurrilous internet rumour, no compensation for the transfer of the services of Mr. Moyes had been agreed between the two clubs, nor had The Tottenham Hotspur Football Club made any approach The Everton Football Club Company Limited apropos Mr. Moyes's potential availability. 

Those conversant with behind the scenes affairs at Goodison Park could smell the familiar, fetid aura of the fear of Mr. William Kenwright CBE hanging all around the place. Mr. Moyes has less than 12 months remaining on his current contract, and no extension has yet been agreed; Mr. Moyes is holding out for reassurances that funds to strengthen the playing squad will be forthcoming, and that he shall not have to say goodbye to any of his better players in order to make such funds transpire, reassurances that he refers to as "a chink of light", a phrase that would have unfortunate connotations had it been uttered by certain footballists resident at The Libpewl Football Cult. 

Sadly, it would appear that Mr. Kenwright is in no position to offer such assurances; and thus, rather than suffer the indignity of being outspent by the likes of Mr. Roberto Martinez, Mr. Moyes may be inexorably drawn to the bright lights and numerous splendid  Turkish kebab shops prevalent in the Edmonton area.

So, whither the next manager of The Everton Football Club Company Limited's cadre of footballists?

 

If we assume that Mr. David Moyes should find the allure of North London too tempting to resist, my first choice would be Mr. Jesus Christ. His work on feeding a crowd of 5,000 people with just five loaves of unleavened bread and three fishes shows just what he could potentially achieve on a limited budget. Plus, he should prove to be an ideal counterweight to the pervasive influence of Satan across the park at The Libpewl Football Cult, which may possibly even result in a much-coveted victory for The Everton Football Club Company Limited in the so-called "derby" strand.

However, having seen Mr. Iain Duncan Smith on the television this morning, and heard his views on the sharp increase in working families living in poverty (it's down to drugs, apparently), I feel that Mr. Christ may be co-opted into a role as "government tsar" on matters of welfare reform.

So, as a suitable alternative, I suggest Mr. Lee Marvin. Anybody who has seen the feature film, "The Dirty Dozen", cannot have failed to admire his abilities on bringing together a bunch of wayward, dangerous brigands and turning them into a potent and lethal fighting force. Why, he could possibly have even solved the conundrum around Mr. Royston Drenthe.

An added bonus is that Mr. Marvin achieved such success with just a dozen men, which is about the size of the playing squad which The Everton Football Club Company Limited shall have at the end of August forthcoming.

So, for me, Mr. Marvin makes the ideal replacement should Mr. Moyes decide that his future lies elsewhere. There is a slight issue that Mr. Marvin is, in fact, deceased, but that should only serve as an added attraction to Mr. William Kenwright CBE, as no remuneration need be paid, and not compensation would be due to another club once Mr. Marvin's services were secured.

Plus, even in an advanced state of decomposition, he still would surely look healthier than another touted replacement, Mr. Avram Grant (and would also perform better in the role).

What do others think?